SelfAssurance
by Chiharu-senpai
Summary: Strawberry Panic! ten years later. Nagisa and Tamao are married, but they're having issues.
1. Chapter 1

Self-Assurance

By Beezy

_Prologue_

The poet sat up through the night, unable to sleep. The tempest outside, and her beloved's recent confession, blew the desire to sleep right out of her. Things would never be the same between them. The poet stared bitterly at her opal-stone ring and came to realize what Euripides, one of her favorite writers, meant when he wrote: _Never say that marriage has more joy than pain._

_Chapter One_

Aoi Nagisa returned home that night from her day job, feeling despondent. Her head hurt and there was a faint, yet stabbing pain in her back, between her shoulder blades. She could only find solace in a relaxing night at home.

In the master bedroom, she let down her shoulder length red hair. She proceeded to groom and saw, in the mirror sitting upright in bed behind her, Suzumi Tamao. Nagisa smiled. Her blue-haired wife had her notebook on her lap, her pencil pressed to her lips, a bemused expression on her face.

Nagisa changed into pajamas and plopped down on the bed next to Tamao. She looked up from her notebook and smiled that peaceful, adoring smile Nagisa loved so much.

"How was work?" Tamao asked.

Sighing, Nagisa leaned her head back so it was resting on the head-board. "My boss is cutting my paycheck."

"What?!" Tamao had set down her notebook. She stared intently at Nagisa.

"He can't afford to pay for some facilities and services in his building, so he has to cut ---"

"But why my Nagisa-chan?!"

"It's not just me who's suffering," Nagisa giggled nervously. "Everyone's getting their paycheck cut."

"By how much?" Tamao demanded.

"Seems like …" She did some quick math in her head. "…about forty percent."

"Ay…" she groaned, flopping down on the bed.

"Times are tough," Nagisa reasoned. "He needs the money to keep his company from going bankrupt."

Tamao nodded a resigned agreement.

Nagisa noticed the page in her notebook was blank.

"You haven't written today?"

She squeezed her eyes shut. "I just can't think of anything. When I try to write, I …" She opened her eyes and shook her head. "It seems like my mind is as blank as my notebook."

"That's a fairly poetic line, you could use that," the red-haired woman suggested.

"Can't," Tamao sighed, sitting back up. "I tried it earlier, but that poem didn't amount to much." She held the notebook out. "It's been a bad day for writing. Read for yourself."

Nagisa accepted the notebook and flipped through it. Indeed it had been a bad day for writing. Tamao had written some stinkers; Nagisa, who wasn't even all that literate, could see that. Half of what she wrote wasn't even original.

**Childhood memories are like spoiled milk.**

**A rose is a rose is a rose.**

**Unrequited love = horse cart**

**Faith in God is like cloth**

Nagisa turned the page, and then laughed. She laughed so hard, she doubled over on the bed, holding her sides.

Tamao snatched the notebook from her, her face bright red. "I knew that one was awful! Stop laughing at me!"

"Okay … Suh-sorry, Tamao-chan," Nagisa gasped. With a sigh, she ceased laughing.

The blue-haired poet turned the notebook over in her hands. She read the page.

"Goodness, this _is _terrible," she smirked, and started to chuckle herself.

Here is the page Nagisa and Tamao laughed at:

**Love = Socks**

**I'm an anklet; Nagisa is an argyle**

**Compatibility between anklets & argyles**

**This poem socks**

**You are going to get fired**

"Tamao-chan, you won't get fired," Nagisa assured.

"The deadline for publication is in December," Tamao sighed, burying her face in her hands.

"That's a long way away. You have time." It was currently February.

"You wouldn't believe how short a time that is for a writer."

They chatted awhile about events and issues. This was what they normally did before going to sleep. And sleep they did. Nagisa fell into a deep, dreamless sleep with Tamao's arm draped over her.


	2. Chapter 2

_Chapter Two_

They were no longer young girls with all of it before them. After graduating from St. Miator, they both, by some miracle, wound up at the same college. They had requested each other as room mates, and it was almost the same as their experience in Astraea Hill. Almost. They were both considerably busier, especially Tamao.

Nagisa had started her college career with a major in econ, but quickly switched to art history. Tamao had double-majored in English and rhetoric. Both graduated honorably, Nagisa with distinction, Tamao with high distinction.

Not long after graduation, they got married. Every one of their friends --- from Chikaru to Hikari --- agreed that it was a hasty decision. Probably one they made on a whim. But neither of them regretted the decision. After all, they both had jobs, a home, and were financially stable.

Nagisa carried not one, but two children. Tamao was diagnosed as anemic at the age of twenty, and so could not bear children. They found a promising sperm donor, used Tamao's eggs, and the rest is history. Three months before the projected due date, they found out they were having twins. On October 28th, Nagisa gave birth to two healthy identical twin boys. They were named Hiro and Nob. Nagisa recalled how Tamao's eyes welled up when she saw the cerulean fluff of downy hair on their heads.

At the age of ten, Nob had already come to resemble Tamao in ways more than just her looks. He spent most of his time curled up in the arm chair with a book. His favorite piece of literature was William Faulkner's _A Rose For Emily. _His best subject was English, but he was horrible at math.

Hiro wasn't the most intelligent boy, but he had other qualities that made up for his lousy grades ten times over. He was artistically gifted, but fairly reclusive. He liked to carve eagles from wood. Like Tamao, he was very passionate, very sentimental, just the sort of person to jot down every detail of his true love in a little book.


	3. Chapter 3

_Chapter Three_

Now, all you hardcore _Strawberry Panic! _fans out there are probably wondering about everybody's favorite skirt-chaser, Shizuma. What happened with her and Nagisa? What did she do in college? What is her employment status? Her social status?

Shizuma and Nagisa dated in the spring semester of the former's last year at Miator. Shizuma then graduated, went to college to major in women's studies, and everything between them just crumbled.

A few months after their official breakup, which was May 2nd, Nagisa and Tamao entered an ambiguous courtship. Nagisa heard several rumors about Shizuma. She heard that she'd dropped out from college. She heard that she was failing all her classes. She heard that she'd gotten drunk off of tequila shots and screwed every girl in the marching band.

None of these rumors were true, of course. Well, almost none of them. One half of that last rumor is true. Knowing our Shizuma, you can guess which half.


	4. Chapter 4

_Chapter Four_

Sunday morning Tamao woke up with a top-grade headache and a fever so high, you could fry an egg on her forehead. The ever-devoted Nagisa wanted to skip the routine Sunday brunch they had with their friends to take care of her. But Tamao insisted she would be fine.

"Go on, have fun. I can take care of myself," she croaked.

Nagisa left water and fever-reducers on the nightstand, kissed her good-bye, and went out.

Nothing unusual happened during the brunch. Chiyo crowed about what a shame it was that Tamao couldn't make it. Tsubomi and Yaya argued. Amane sat quietly, looking noble, and Hikari sat, looking pretty.

"Blueberry pancakes," Tsubomi muttered, scanning the menu. "How many calories might that have?"

"Quite a lot, I'd guess," replied Chikaru. "Foods from the grain group tend to."

"_You're _on a diet, Tsubomi-chan?" Nagisa asked.

"_Hai_," came the grumpy response. "Why not?"

"Because your figure is so little and cute," said Chikaru.

"I agree!" exclaimed Yaya. "I've been trying to convince her that she doesn't _need _to go on a diet!"

"… Which is meaningless, coming from you," retorted Tsubomi with her signature sulk. "I'd kill for that trim waistline of yours."

"_Tchah! _Please. I'd trade my thighs for yours any day of the week."

"Pashibaru always admired your leg length," Kagome said quietly. She accented this by nodding the bear's head.

Nagisa tried to be polite and pay close attention to what everyone was saying, but she couldn't comprehend Tsubomi's plight. _After all, _she thought, _it seems like with a few differences in height, everyone's body looks the same._

"Cheer up," said Yaya, throwing her arm playfully around Tsubomi's slight shoulders. "You want to split a slice of French toast?"

"I can't eat French toast --- I'm on a low-calorie diet! You're so stupid, Yaya-chan!" Tsubomi jumped up and ran off with Yaya following in her wake.

The rest of them sat in awkward silence until a waiter walked by.

"Check, please," said Amane. Those were the only two words she spoke at that brunch.

• • •

Nagisa sat alone on the train back home. She stared blankly ahead of her, totally spaced out. She wondered how Tamao was doing.

_She's probably okay, _Nagisa thought confidently. _She said she could take care of herself, and Tamao's really self-sufficient like that._

So preoccupied with thoughts of Tamao was Nagisa that she hadn't noticed the woman sidling up next to her on their seat.

"Aoi Nagisa-san," came the silken voice in her ear. "It's been a while."

Nagisa nearly jumped out of her skin. She jerked around in her seat so she could face the woman. The woman's steady gaze pierced her, and Nagisa found herself staring. She was transfixed. This woman was just so … mesmerizing.

She then realized that she was actually gawking. Embarrassed, she looked away, and then did a double-take. No. She wasn't … Was she …?

"…Shizuma-sama…?" she whispered.

"_Hai_," Shizuma nodded. "You _do _remember me."

"How could I possibly forget?" Nagisa asked, more to herself than Shizuma. But, she realized, Shizuma had heard. The red-haired woman blushed and looked down, and the silver-haired woman smiled.

"Lovely day to be out," Shizuma observed. "What were you doing today?"

Almost the instant she was asked that, a million questions surged into Nagisa's head.

"Brunch with my friends," she responded. "And you?"

"I went out to buy this book." Shizuma held up the object in question. This confused Nagisa, for Shizuma had never struck her as the reading type.

She studied the cover. The book was titled _Sexual Astrology._

_Figures Shizuma would read something like that, _she thought with a smile.

"Refresh my memory," Shizuma said, opening the book. "When is your birthday?"

"December 14th."

"You are … a Sagittarius." She opened the book to a page with a picture of a centaur on it. "That means you are 'expansive, optimistic, and free-spirited.'"

Nagisa smiled, as the description did sound like her.

Now Shizuma smiled. "…But you are also 'flighty and non-committal.' You're likely to have a 'cheating streak.' You naughty, naughty girl!"

Nagisa glared and Shizuma laughed.

"That sounds more like _you!_"

"Mm-mm. I'm an Aries. I'm actually very loyal. And possessive." She winked at her.

Thoroughly humiliated, Nagisa turned away and pretended not to care. _Astrology's all just a load, _she thought. _"Flighty." Hmph! I've been committed to Tamao for eleven years! That's pretty healthy._

Thinking about Tamao and seeing that astrology book made Nagisa wonder. Turning back to Shizuma, she asked, "What sign is a September 24th birthday?"

"Libra," Shizuma replied. "Why do you ask? Who was born on September 24th?"

Nagisa balked. "Um… a friend." She indicated the book. "May I?"

Shizuma passed her the book, and Nagisa proceeded to look up Libra. Tamao's sign was represented by the scales, and her most likeable trait was charm. Apparently, the Libran (Tamao) was peaceable, romantic, intelligent, and was usually very literate and communicative. Nagisa smiled at that last part. When she read the _Libra in Love_ section, she happily found out that Libra and Sagittarius were a compatible match.

"So, this 'friend' …" said Shizuma. "What does she do?"

"She's a writer. She publishes compilations of poetry."

"Poetry, eh? Who is this poet? Might have I read her work?"

Nagisa looked up. Now she would have to tell Shizuma. "Suzumi Tamao."

"Ah, her," she nodded. "I remember her, too." She looked at Nagisa. "You are more than friends with her."

She wasn't sure whether that was a question or a statement. Swallowing, she said, "We're married."

Shizuma got a funny look on her face. Her narrow green eyes seemed to flare up and her eyebrows came down. Nagisa scooted away, afraid Shizuma would maybe deck her, or worse.

"What stop do you get off at?" she asked suddenly.

Nagisa blinked. She looked out the window. The scene outside was unfamiliar.

"Oh, my goodness!" she cried. "I've missed my stop!" She started to stand, but sat back down. What could she do standing up anyway? She looked about frantically.

Shizuma placed a restraining hand on Nagisa's shoulder. "Relax. We'll get off at my stop, go to my apartment, and you can catch the next train back home. You and I have catching up to do."

The way those penetrative eyes sparkled sent a chill down Nagisa's spine.


	5. Chapter 5

_Chapter Five_

Shizuma's apartment was actually very impressive, contrary to what Nagisa was expecting. It was large, with a hearth and floor-to-ceiling windows in the spacious living room. The kitchen countertops were a glossy, shiny black. Every room was painted a lovely, rich dark red hue.

Nagisa gazed about, mystified. "Wow! It's so beautiful."

"Thank you," said Shizuma, tossing off her coat, revealing an open-back black dress. The dress aroused Nagisa's suspicion (among other things). Why would Shizuma dress so nicely to buy a book?

"I mean … You must be well-off to pay for an apartment like this."

"Eh, I do okay," Shizuma shrugged.

"How do you make your living?" Nagisa asked.

"I'm a model."

Well, that explained the apartment and the dress.

"Cool!" she exclaimed. "I wish I could do modeling --- too short, though. Oh, well. Who do you model for?"

Shizuma smirked. "Next time you're at a magazine rack, check out the top row. Then you'll know." She winked.

_Jeez, Shizuma. _Nagisa's ears burned.

"What do _you _do?"

"Me?" asked Nagisa. "I work in an office building for a company that manufactures and sells strobe lights."

"Hm. Sounds boring." Shizuma moved closer to her. "With _my _job, you'd never long for excitement."

_No argument here, _Nagisa thought. When she looked up, she realized Shizuma's face was inches away from hers. Those eyes … Whenever Nagisa looked at them, she felt her knees lock and her breath snag in her chest. Just like in the forest her first day at Astraea Hill. That first time Shizuma tried to kiss her.

"Just like old times," Shizuma sighed, as if reading Nagisa's thoughts. Without warning, she grabbed the redhead's shoulders and their mouths came together.

Startled, Nagisa stumbled backward, but Shizuma's steel grip kept her from falling. The silver-haired model then slipped her elegant hand to the über-sensitive small of Nagisa's back. A hot jolt shot up her spine, and Nagisa's body jerked involuntarily.

Shizuma quickly figured out this must have been her hot spot. She continued to stimulate her back until Nagisa couldn't stand, and laid down on the couch. Shizuma got on top of her, lowered herself on her, and continued kissing her.

Nagisa had known her back was her erogenous zone. She distantly recalled that time Tamao herself discovered that on accident. That was quite a long time ago.

"Tamao," she gasped.

"What?" mumbled Shizuma, but Nagisa had already gotten up and was putting on her coat. "Where are you going?"

"I … I can't. I just can't do this."

Shizuma stared, bewildered. "Why can't you? You're married."

"Y-you just answered your own question," Nagisa stammered.

The silver-haired model lay back on the couch. "I figured you and Tamao were more secure than that."

Nagisa blinked, confused. What did that mean? Married women weren't supposed to sleep with other women. Right?

"Well, um, yeah. Cool. Thanks for having me." And she was out the door.


	6. Chapter 6

_Chapter Six_

Nagisa found Tamao sitting in a chair in front of their bedroom window. She was staring intently out the window. Upon hearing her wife enter, the blue-haired poet twisted around in her chair and gasped.

"Nagisa-chan!" she exclaimed, jumping up to embrace her. However, she was still sick, and she dizzily fell back down in her chair.

"Sorry I'm late, Tamao-chan," Nagisa muttered, kissing the top of her head. "On the way home, I missed my stop, so I had to get off at some random stop and wait for the next train."

Tamao shook her head. "You would. Probably if I'd been there, that wouldn't have happened. I'm very sorry about that."

_There's a lot that wouldn't have happened if you were there, _Nagisa thought bitterly. But she said, "Don't apologize. It's not your fault you got sick." She then noticed the notebook in Tamao's lap and asked, "Get some writing done?"

"No, unfortunately." She held up the notebook. "This is probably _the worst _idea I've ever come up with."

"Worse than the socks?"

"Much worse."

Nagisa took the notebook and read it.

**= Unrequited love is like chocolate =**

Nagisa laughed. "Tamao-chan, if something as horrible as unrequited love compares to chocolate, what in the world compares to something like raw eggs? Or rotten cheese?"

Mortified, Tamao snatched away the notebook. "I _knew _you wouldn't get it. I've always loved the taste of chocolate, but it gives me the worst indigestion."

"In other words, it doesn't love you back." That made sense.

Nagisa looked out the window and saw, in the window next door, two women engaged in the most passionate --- and the most bizarre --- sexual act.

Her eyes widened. "Eh?! They're … They're …"

"Getting it on, I know."

"How long have you been watching?"

Tamao checked her watch. "An hour, perhaps." She smiled sheepishly. "I can only guess what you think of me now, but it's so hard to not watch."

Nagisa looked out the window again, and she herself felt the impulse to stay and watch. It was amusing, really. This couple was considerably younger than them, and both Tamao and Nagisa could recall a time when they were just as passionate as these two.

_I figured you and Tamao would be more secure than that. _Nagisa found herself pondering Shizuma's cryptic words. She never worried about security much, but she supposed it was there between her and Tamao. _That's marriage, _she thought, glancing at her ring (white gold with a diamond gemstone). _Marriage makes love official. It's a legal document, and that's what seals our relationship, tight and secure._

So what did it mean to be insecure? Nagisa thought of a girl at her first school. If this girl heard you laughing, whether or not you were laughing at her, she'd march right up to you and yell, "Stop laughing at my fat knees!" How can someone have fat knees? What did a crazy girl's knee insecurity have to do with Nagisa and Tamao? Nagisa didn't know, and thinking about it made her head hurt. Sighing, she rested her chin on Tamao's crown.

• • •

Tamao felt Nagisa's gentle, pointed chin descend lightly on her head. She felt her heart melt. She glanced at her own wedding ring and recalled that day eleven years ago when Nagisa asked, seemingly out of the blue, "What's your favorite gemstone?"

The question puzzled Tamao, but she responded anyway. "Opal."

Just a few days later, they held a private tea party, just the two of them. Nagisa offered a little cake to Tamao. When she made as if to pass her one, she'd actually put the small velvet case in her hands. Tamao knew it would be an engagement ring, and that Nagisa was going to propose, but she still let out a surprised gasp when she saw the ring. The ring was some white metal band with … an opal gemstone.

Any old idiot could've gotten her girlfriend a diamond ring, but Nagisa wanted this to be special for her. This was what made Tamao's well of emotions overflow.

A lot of the time, Nagisa seemed more platonic than affectionate, but it was rare moments, like the proposal and this present moment with her chin onTamao's head, that made her realize just how much she loved her. Overwhelmed, Tamao reached up, linked her hand with Nagisa's, and whispered her name.

So they had this moment. This moment with Tamao awash with deep, romantic feelings; and Nagisa bemused over something someone else had said.


	7. Chapter 7

_Chapter Seven_

Months passed. It was June and Tamao hadn't written a single poem for her new collection. She could see December looming ever so closer.

As a writer, probably the best advice she ever received was to save everything you wrote. This was so that if you had writer's block and the deadline was just around the corner, you'd have something to submit to the publisher. Like a squirrel storing nuts for a brutal winter. Tamao had been a good little squirrel about that, and had three drawers of nuts. Enough to satisfy the publisher for two years. But still … She wanted to write.

• • •

"So guess who I saw on the train today?"

"Rumpelstiltskin?" Nagisa guessed.

"No, silly goose!" Tamao giggled. "Hanazono Shizuma!" Nagisa froze. "Do you remember her?"

She had been compiling a grocery list. Now the pen slipped out of her hand. She stared at Tamao, thunderstruck.

"She was Étoile at our school for a while. Remember now?"

Nagisa could only manage a stiff nod.

"What's an 'Étoile'?" Nob asked.

"Sort of like the Queen of our school," Tamao explained briefly before saying, "She said she saw you on the train back in February, Nagisa-chan. Why didn't you tell me?"

"Eh? Because I didn't feel like it was worth mentioning." She couldn't believe she'd just lied. She hung her head. "I … wasn't really happy to see her."

Tamao tilted her head towards Nagisa in concern. She also remembered that tough year at St. Miator. When the two of them were in college, they had agreed to forget that year, put it behind them, and never again mention it. Now Tamao had broken that promise.

"I'm so sorry, Nagisa-chan," she whispered as she laid her palm on the back of the person in question's neck.

_I don't believe it! _Nagisa exclaimed inwardly. _I lied and _she's _the one apologizing! _She pulled away from Tamao and mumbled, "Let's just not talk about this."

• • •

One day in August, Tamao had left for the day. She'd been asked to speak in front of a creative writing class at the very college she herself had graduated from. The kids were at school, so Nagisa was by herself for the morning. She had to be at the office at 1:00.

She'd just stepped out of the shower when she heard the doorbell ring. Hastily, she donned her robe, and ran to the door. She opened it, and …

Shizuma stood in the doorway.

Nagisa was too awestruck by her beauty to ask her what the hell she was doing here and where she got her address. Shizuma stood tall, her flawless body framed in the morning light. In each of her green eyes, a miniature sun gleamed. Every strand of her silver hair glittered.

Nagisa managed to get her mouth working. "Shizuma!" she exclaimed.

"The one and only." She let herself in. The perplexed redhead followed her through the foyer into the kitchen. "Nice place."

Coming from Miss Moneybags herself, that was oddly funny to Nagisa. She laughed. "Thank you."

Shizuma turned around to face her. Today she was wearing a tight-fitting red dress with a silver-colored ribbon around her waist. The ribbon matched her hair. She appeared to be analyzing Nagisa. She raised an eyebrow. "Just got out of the shower, I see."

She suddenly felt self-conscious. She clutched her robe together. "I have work later today."

"Oh, right. The office." Shizuma looked around. "Where is your Tamao?"

"Out lecturing a creative writing class." Nagisa poured some coffee beans into the grinder. "Her old rhetoric teacher called a while ago and asked her to go." After the beans were ground she continued, "Not only is she an alumnus, she's also a critically acclaimed writer, so he …" She paused. "Why am I telling you this? How did you find my house?"

"I guessed which town you lived in by the stop you missed in the train," answered Shizuma, "and you're listed in the directory."

"You were that desperate to see me?"

"No. If I was desperate, I'd have been here a lot sooner. I just decided to visit you on a whim," she sighed.

Nagisa offered her coffee, which she politely refused. "You always seemed to do things on a whim," she said.

"_Hai. _Like this."

She turned around, about to ask Shizuma what she meant by that, to find herself up close face-to-face with the silver-haired vixen. Shizuma pushed Nagisa against the counter and kissed her. Nagisa wanted to pull away, but since she was backed away into the counter, she couldn't.

Shizuma lifted her up so she was sitting upon the countertop, and kissed her more deeply. Her hands slipped into Nagisa's robe and found her bare back. The warm sensations deep in her spine made her feel as though she were melting. Her hands faltered. She didn't want to, but she gave in.

There was no getting out of this one. Hanazono Shizuma was back.


	8. Chapter 8

_Chapter Eight_

The sound of the door opening and closing that evening filled Nagisa with dread. Tamao was home. She stretched out in their bed and listened to her chat animatedly with Nob (Hiro was locked away in his room, carving eagles, as usual).

Nagisa hadn't gone to work that day. It was 12:30 when her tryst with Shizuma ended and she hurriedly sent her out the door. She called in sick and spent the day in bed, wondering how she was going to face Tamao.

She heard her coming up the stairs and shuddered. She turned over on her side, pulled the covers over her face, and pretended to be asleep.

Nagisa heard the door creak open, Tamao's timid footsteps. Drawers opening, papers rustling. More footsteps, then silence. She thought Tamao had left, and was about to sit up. Then, out of nowhere, she felt her lips on her cheek, heard her whisper, "Get better, Nagisa-chan." It made her stomach churn. She squeezed her eyes shut. She didn't move until she was absolutely certain that Tamao had left the room.

She sighed and sat up. _What am I going to do? _she wondered. _I don't want to lie to her. But she'd be so upset by this. But perhaps, _she thought, _she'd be more upset by me lying to her._

In the end, Nagisa decided to put her fling with Shizuma behind her, and make sure it would never happen again.

•••

Tamao stared at the something-hundred poems spread out in front of her. There had to be some winners in here that she could send in to the publisher.

Each one of Tamao's published collections contained fifty poems. They varied in length, some being quite a few pages long. Some were couplets. Tamao detested couplets because, as her creative writing teacher put it:

"What they lack for in length,

They make up for in strength,"

and, well, she just wasn't a concise writer. Her most popular poem was in her first collection; it compared unrequited love to a rainbow.

She assembled some fifty poems. Yes, she could confidently send these in.

_But I have to write._

She remembered that Tsubomi wrote, too; she wrote scripts for manga graphic novels. _I wonder what Tsubomi does when she has writer's block. _Tamao decided to ask.


	9. Chapter 9

_Chapter Nine_

As usual, the women all met for brunch on Sunday.

"Well, so Grace has made the honor roll again," Tsubomi boasted. Grace was hers and Yaya's daughter.

"You must be proud," said Nagisa, annoyed. Tsubomi and Yaya were always bragging about Grace.

Yaya held up a manga. "She's reading this manga, _Strawberry Panic! _I think it looks cool."

They studied the cover, which featured two girls in school uniforms. The girl on the left had red hair tied into a ponytail. The girl on the right had blue hair put up into a bun.

Hikari started to laugh.

"I wonder who the girls are on the cover?" Yaya asked.

Tamao smiled patiently and Nagisa slapped her forehead. "It's _us!!!_"

• • •

After brunch, Tamao invited Tsubomi to have coffee with her. The pink-haired woman accepted, for she had nothing better to do.

They sat in the hard little chairs in the cramped coffee shop. Tsubomi stirred her drink and asked, "So what's going on?"

Tamao waved her blank notebook in frustration. "Nothing! Literally _nothing _has been going on! _I just can't write!_"

Tsubomi smiled. "That's it? You had me worried. I thought something terrible happened."

"This _is _terrible! I have to write!"

She sipped her coffee and listened to Tamao rant. One thing you could say about the poet: She was patient. She put up with a lot, and remained jolly in the face of adversary. But every once in a while, she just had to let it out.

When she'd finished, Tsubomi asked, "When was the last time you got laid?"

"What?!"

"Seriously. You wouldn't believe how much inspiration you get from sex." She laughed as Tamao blushed. "Get together with Nagisa and make some love rhymes. The lyrics will just _come _to you."

• • •

Since Tamao had gone out for coffee with Tsubomi, Nagisa had to take the train back home by herself. She wasn't happy about it, and scanned the car for signs of Shizuma before finally sitting down.

_Poor Tamao, _she thought. _Such a wonderfully loyal person. She's the last woman who deserves to be cuckolded by some … _Bitter tears welled in Nagisa's eyes and she made a fist. _I hate myself. I hate myself for cheating on her. I hate myself for lying to her. I wish I was dead!_

She heard a noise, and when she looked up, she saw Shizuma right next to her.

"Why are you crying?" she asked gently.

Nagisa looked away. She would not, could not, do this again.

"Tamao's not with you," Shizuma observed. "Funny how I never see you two together." She cleared her throat. "I mean, I see you ride the train alone. I see her ride the train alone. I came over to your house, and she wasn't there -"

"What's your point? And I told you she was giving a speech to -"

"That's what she told you."

Nagisa glared at her. "Shizuma …" she warned.

"I'm just trying to figure out why you're so upset. I figured, based on the evidence, you found out Tamao is cheating on you ---"

"What?!" she spluttered. "Chea--- Wha?!"

Shizuma shrugged. "You're out most of the day, right? And she's at home?"

"_Hai . . ._" Nagisa answered uncertainly.

"Well, have you given much consideration to what she's doing while you're gone?"

She stared at Shizuma, stunned.

The silver-haired woman nodded as the train halted. "Just something for you to think about. This is your stop, I believe."

She got up quickly and ran off the train.


	10. Chapter 10

_Chapter Ten_

Tamao, a cheater? She couldn't be. Caring, compassionate Suzumi Tamao, who stayed by your bedside when you were sick? Who held back your hair while you drunkenly vomited? (That was the code of trust in college.)

Nagisa shook her head and stared blankly out the window. She couldn't comprehend it. _Well, if Tamao _did _cheat on me, I deserve it for cheating on her. _It was unbelievable. _What kind of marriage is this when we're cheating and lying to each other? _She was so distracted by such thoughts that she hadn't noticed that the couple in the window were getting it on.

Tamao walked in, saw Nagisa, and came up behind her. She kissed her cheek and greeted her.

"Hello," Nagisa said stiffly.

She noticed the couple and giggled. "They're doing it again?"

She nodded.

_Get together with Nagisa and make some love rhymes. _Tamao was startled by the idea. But then, seeing Nagisa there in the bedroom they shared for eleven years put her in the mood. She got in front of Nagisa, rested her arms on her shoulders, and whispered, "I think we could do better than them." She paused briefly to close the drapes. "But they don't need to know."


	11. Chapter 11

_Chapter Eleven_

The night was miserably humid. The air in the bedroom was thick, heavy, and stunk of sweat. Nagisa lay in bed with Tamao cuddled up next to her. Her forehead glistened, her hair curled, and she felt like she couldn't breathe.

_What was _that? she wondered.

Tamao appeared to be on the verge of falling asleep. _She'd thought I felt good, _Nagisa thought bitterly, _and that made this enjoyable for her. _But as a matter of fact, Nagisa hadn't felt good, but felt like with all the deceit going on that she owed Tamao a roll in the hay. So she put on a performance that would've won her an Oscar. _I lied to her yet again, _she realized. After what happened with Shizuma, after hearing all she'd heard, she wasn't sure how she could look at Tamao's face that night, but somehow, her poet was satisfied with how she faced her.

Now Tamao's gentle blue eyes closed, and she sighed softly. _No, _thought Nagisa. _I can't keep this up. This ends right now._

"Tamao-chan," she blurted.

Her eyes snapped open and she looked up at her beloved.

_Such a sweet face. Such a sweet person. How am I going to do this? _She chose her words carefully.

"I think . . . if we're married . . . we have to tell each other everything, right?"

"_Hai,_" Tamao agreed, propping herself up on her elbow. She was clearly intrigued. Tamao loved secrets.

"Is there, um, something you'd like to tell me?"

The poet with writer's block took a pregnant pause, then affected the most guilty, sorrowful expression on her face. _Oh no, _thought Nagisa. _Shizuma was right. Here it comes._

"Remember that time you found your save file on your Pokemon Diamond game erased and saved over? And you were just totally crying? And I told you Chiyo-chan did it and you ripped her a new one?"

What the hell? "_Hai._"

"Well . . ." Tamao looked down. "I actually erased your game. I'm sorry, Nagisa-chan."

_I cheated on you and you're about to cry over a video game? _This was too much. She couldn't take anymore. "Oh, Tamao-chan," she whimpered as she buried her face in the hollow of Tamao's neck.

"See? It still upsets you. I was so horrible to do that. I ---"

"No! Stop!" Nagisa cried. "You are a saint! _I'm _the one who's horrible!"

Tamao wrapped her arms around her. "Don't say such things. I know you make mistakes sometimes, but nobody's perfect. You know that I would love you no matter what."

That made Nagisa feel worse, and unleashed another round of sobbing. "There's no way you could love me after this!"

"After _what?_" Tamao looked down at her. "What happened?"

She ceased sobbing, and paused.

"Nagisa-chan . . .?"

"I . . . I cheated on you," she gulped. There. She had said it. "W-with Shizuma. I m-m-met her on the train in February and we . . . we . . ."

"Okay. I've heard enough." Tamao didn't sound angry. She didn't sound like anything.

"I'm so sorry! It's all my fault ---"

"Stop. I think I know what happened. And you need to hear what I have to say." She paused. When she spoke again, she sounded more furious than Nagisa had ever heard of her.

"Back at St. Miator, I thought: _If that Shizuma-sama gets her claws into my Nagisa-chan again, I don't know what I'd do._" She sighed and massaged her temples. "Nineteen years later, it's happened again, and I still don't know what to do. I just . . . I . . ." She closed her eyes and laid her palm over them. "I need time."

She looked down at Nagisa. "However, I forgive you."

Her eyes widened with disbelief. "Tamao-chan ---"

"Shh. Like I said, I forgive you, but you can't see her anymore. I'm serious as cancer, Nagisa. I want her out of our lives."

Nagisa nodded and they both sat in silence. After a while, the red-haired confessor seemed to have fallen asleep. Tamao looked toward the window, feeling oddly like Irene Schreerer in F. Scott Fitzgerald's _Winter Dreams._ Suddenly, there was a brilliant flash and a huge rumble.

_Storm, _thought the poet. The lightning flash lasted less than a second. The thunder had lasted longer, she observed. Similarily, it took her less than a second to interpret what Nagisa had done, but the pain from it would last so much longer.

The writer's block had fallen. There was room to write now. And write Tamao would. She would write the saddest poem that would make the hardiest hard nut weep.

_Epilogue_

Maybe there was no real security, Nagisa realized. Spouses cheat, people get hurt, even die. What could a piece of paper do to prevent that? A ring is a ring. It can't stop your eyes from drifting to someone else. It couldn't heal these deep wounds Shizuma had left in Nagisa and Tamao. The former doubted either of them felt secure, or if they ever would. Or, perhaps, the only security they'd ever feel was right here, right now, in each other's arms.

* * *

**Author's Note: **I'm currently working on a prequel to this story, and then there will be a sequel. However, I'm having a bit of writer's block myself so it'll be a while. Just be on the look out for it; it'll come hopefully soon. Please review this and tell me what you think. Peace.


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